Category Archives: Stories

(The New) Mr. 305

OPEN LETTER TO PITBULL

Dear Mr. Bull,

There’s a new Mr. 305.

While you were busy claiming that Money Is A Major Issue (hence, the title to your debut album M.I.A.M.I), the owner of this 2-story townhouse with 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, a 1-car garage and 1,778 square feet of living space was preparing his driveway for the production crews of MTV Cribs.

All this, of course, after the courts awarded a Final Judgment of Foreclosure to the lender who financed his crib. His lender can now proceed with the foreclosure.

It is because of this gentleman, Lil’ Chico, that we ask you to voluntarily step down from your 3-0-5 throne. The owner of all these prized possessions (minus the townhouse, of course) has earned the right to represent an entire area code – specifically this one.

Try Mr. 786. It rhymes with ______.

Sincerely,

Adrian Salgado

P.S. By the way, your song Culo brings out the 3-0-5 in me. It is because of you that I feel guilty every Sunday. Thank you.

Photo Credit: David Mijares

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